Journal: What's in these things?

Yesterday, my wife was taking a load of laundry out of the dryer. She pulled out a pair of my cargo shorts, when she notice something very large and heavy and wettish in one of the pockets. It was, of course, a Depend Guard for Men (unused) that I'd forgotten to remove.

She brought up the shorts to show me, and I was amazed. The shorts weighed about five pounds, and the pocket where the pad had been was absolutely full of this sort of goo. I shoved my hand in the pocket to scoop it out, and it felt like the most disgusting sort of gooey mush, like wet kleenex mixed with jello. Bleh.

I dumped a handful into the garbage and expected that my hand would be moist and gooey. It wasn't. It was as if all the gooeyness had stuck to the goo. I imagine that's exactly the point. I wonder what sort of space-age polymer I have, even now, secretly tucked into my underpants. And I wonder how best to get the rest of that goo out of my pocket.
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