Monday, October 10, 2005

Journal: weekend self-medicating

This weekend, some old friends came up to visit, including a guy who's a regular pot-smoker. Over the weekend, we all enjoyed some good-natured substance abuse, a recurring theme in our collective friendships.

I'd been kind of a pot-head for several years since I finished school, not because I thought I was helping my MS any, but because it felt good to get really high. I'd eased off in recent years, though. I'd noticed I was having some lapses in short-term memory, but more importantly, I noticed that when I was high and nobody else was, I was a crashing bore.

Over the course of the last several months I'd been having increasing trouble with neuropathic pain, a dull, burning, pain in the backs of my legs that made it a real chore to sit at my desk at work in the afternoons. I'd also started getting the burning pain in the soles of my feet. I was curious how pot would affect me and the pain.

I was disappointed. Initially, I just felt plain old high, and the euphoria either replaces the pain sensation, or it just wasn't registering. That was nice. After a bit, I noticed that instead of the burning in my legs, I felt an intense numbness, almost like a vibration. But then a couple hours out, when I went to bed, the high sorta wore off and the numbness in my legs turned into an uncomfortable sensation of heat, which kept me awake for a while.

So it's totally unscientific, and my experience could have been colored by extreme fatigue, by forgetting to take sufficient Neurontin during the day, or by the large quantities of ice cream I ingested before going to bed. But I was hoping to drift off into a sound sleep and wake up refreshed and slightly loopy, the way I remembered it. Maybe if I'd remembered to fire up the lava lamp...

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