I read an abstract this morning about MS and depression. Like depressed folks generally, MS patients who are depressed tend to have trouble anticipating future positive experieces; it's not so much about anticipated future negative experiences.
That fits. My own frequent visits to the blue side find me not so much dreading the future as struggling to find something to look forward to along with the dread. Of late, I've found myself thinking about my job, and how it's getting harder for me just to sit still at my desk, much less get anything done, and how the seemingly inevitable end of my career will no doubt be much, much worse: increasing difficulty precipitates crisis and confrontation, inevitable struggle with insurance company and SSDI, followed by years of financial woes.
Yesterday, when they announced the winner of the Nobel for literature--a Turk--I thought about how I used to fantasize about traveling to Turkey, and adventurous travel in general, and I thought, Well, I can't imagine going to Turkey in my present condition. Even three days at the cabin over the weekend was about a day and a half more than I found myself capable of enjoying (Jeez, I sure miss my own bed and big ugly recliner, etc.).
I'm sure that part of the solution is to carpe the diem and create things to look forward to, schedule and plan for things that feel good; that way, not only do you have stuff to look forward to, but you're doing something in the present. But how do you plan when you find yourself struggling to enjoy the stuff you know you enjoyed in the past?
Link to abstract.