Friday, October 13, 2006

MS, depression, and the future

I read an abstract this morning about MS and depression. Like depressed folks generally, MS patients who are depressed tend to have trouble anticipating future positive experieces; it's not so much about anticipated future negative experiences.

That fits. My own frequent visits to the blue side find me not so much dreading the future as struggling to find something to look forward to along with the dread. Of late, I've found myself thinking about my job, and how it's getting harder for me just to sit still at my desk, much less get anything done, and how the seemingly inevitable end of my career will no doubt be much, much worse: increasing difficulty precipitates crisis and confrontation, inevitable struggle with insurance company and SSDI, followed by years of financial woes.

Yesterday, when they announced the winner of the Nobel for literature--a Turk--I thought about how I used to fantasize about traveling to Turkey, and adventurous travel in general, and I thought, Well, I can't imagine going to Turkey in my present condition. Even three days at the cabin over the weekend was about a day and a half more than I found myself capable of enjoying (Jeez, I sure miss my own bed and big ugly recliner, etc.).

I'm sure that part of the solution is to carpe the diem and create things to look forward to, schedule and plan for things that feel good; that way, not only do you have stuff to look forward to, but you're doing something in the present. But how do you plan when you find yourself struggling to enjoy the stuff you know you enjoyed in the past?

Link to abstract.


Michelle said...

Your last question is a hard one, for sure. I still flop back and forth with that one, I make plans, then I don't feel up to doing them. Sometimes I do them anyway, feel better once I get into it and am glad. Sometimes not and I know I will end up paying for it somehow. Personally, I will keep making plans, life is too empty without them.

Best of luck,

Charles-A. Rovira said...

I always make plans.

I have big ambitions, big dreams, big things to look forward to.

When I fail, I learn from my failures.

Don't get depressed, get ambitious.

Think of everything there is to learn.

Actually, that's the one thing that has been bothering me.

Lately, I haven't been failing enough so I haven't been learning.

It got so bad (or should that be good) that I went back to school and got a business degree.

There's nothing wrong with failure.

It means you were trying.

Its when you don't even try that you really are a failure.

I always fail at everything in some respect or other. Its a part of life as its meant to be lived.

The folly of competence is that it makes you afraid of failure.

So we have bodies we can't trust. Big squat doodle.

We just have to find ways around our limitations.

Have myelin? said...

Well I had plans for today that didn't happen. Silly plans that were important only to me but they were MY plans. I was going to help my daughter paint, stain and finish her bedroom. Instead I woke up tired and so far I've taken two naps.

So much for plans! It does bother me but I think the combo of MS fatigue and anemia fatigue have me done for at least for now.

Red Bull, coffee, Provigil, nah. They don't work!