Lame contest

I've poked a little fun at the National MS Society's new marketing campaign slogan--"MS stops people from moving. We exist to make sure it doesn't." But I think it would be helpful if we could lend a hand to the Society and its marketing geniuses. So, in the interest of being part of the solution, being team players, I'm announcing a contest to come up with a better slogan. Here's how it works: we're going to stick with the format of the current slogan. So your suggestions should fit the following model:

MS stops people from _____. We exist to make sure _____.

Here, I'll get the ball rolling:

MS stops people from playing in marching bands. We exist to make sure there's something to watch during halftime at high school football games.

MS stops people from joining the army. We exist to make sure every American platoon in Iraq has at least one guy who always has to pee.

MS stops people from attempting 58 of the 64 sexual positions described in the Kama Sutra. We exist to make sure you get a chance at those other 6, including the one known as "the barking rabbit".

Prize? I haven't decided. Rules? I reserve the right to make them up arbitrarily. Go nuts.