Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Journal: The incredible shrinking husband

Sunday was my wife’s birthday. Here’s what I gave her: nothing.

I didn’t forget, I just ran out of gas, ran out of time. I did some unsuccessful shopping, spent my time and energy doing things like replacing a toilet, going fishing with my dad, going to work, worrying about replacing our aging second car before it dies, and spending hours parked on the La-Z-Boy. I’ve also been spending time and energy trying to get a handle on the worsening neuropathic pain that leaves me cranky and depressed by 4:00 every evening.

Speaking of which, after just four doses of desipramine, I’ve turned tail and run screaming back to Lyrica. Just like Cymbalta, desipramine caused me to retain urine, and left me unable to get a decent night’s sleep. That’s a spiral I just can’t bear to get started on again.

I’m taking a couple weeks off work, starting next Monday. Maybe that’s the best gift I have to offer, anyway: me, undiminished by the demands of the job. The unfortunate reality is that 5 days a week, the job gets the best hours of my day, the mornings, before the pain starts to be a problem. I don’t see any way to get around that. For a couple weeks, at least, I’ll have a chance to be the kind of husband I wish I was.

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